The House Always Wins

In a few hours, the largest lottery jackpot in Canada's history could be handed to me...or someone else.

The truth is, I don't really play the lottery to win. It's not like anyone can try harder or practice at it. What I'm really paying for when I buy a lottery ticket is the few fleeting hours of fantasy about actually winning. After visualing the rewarding of my friends, the endowment of those causes I most strongly believe in, and the facewashing of my enemies, I'm pretty much done until the next big jackpot. In fact, given the ongoing concerns about this page's heart condition, it's not like winning may be the best thing for me either: I'd probably have only a few seconds to enjoy the spoils before my left arm starts to go numb.

In addition to my well-heeled daydreams, I would be dreadfully remiss if I forgot to relish the irony of thousands of Canadians, who, on any other day bitch, whine, and complain about their tax dollars being spent on such unnecessary government frills as public education and health care, lining up at the lottery counter on the day of the big draw, to voluntarily hand their money over to the state with little or no hope of getting it back.