The Stanley Cup playoffs begin today, and a multitude of pundits and prognosticators are weighing in with their predictions. Here are mine:
-Someone will claim that scheduling Canadian-based teams to play on weekend afternoons to accommodate NBC telecasts is an affront to national sovereignty, but will watch the game anyway.
-Female followers of the Calgary Flames will have to be treated for (over) exposure due to a chilly spring along the 'Red Mile'.
-Any player leaving the arena on crutches or in a wheelchair will be reported by the team's medical staff as sustaining a 'lower body injury'.
-No one will see 'The National'.
-Someone will insist on telling this page how boring baseball is compared to hockey, at which point I'll promise to give him back his Ritalin if he shuts up and goes away.
-The Sedin twins will be revealed as a single Swedish hockey player getting two pay cheques. The Vancouver Canucks will make subsequent end runs around the salary cap by signing the Kariya triplets and the Crosby sextuplets.
-The Army will run more TV spots during the games than Sony Pictures does for 'Spider-Man 3'
-Sidney Crosby will walk on water...after it's been frozen, on skinny metal runners...
-Don Cherry will say something controversial, which astounds this page given he hasn't actually said anything new for years.
-Toronto Maple Leaf fans will commemorate the 40th anniversary of their team's last Stanley Cup championship by watching their hockey neighbours, the Buffalo Sabres and Detroit Red Wings, play each other in the Finals.
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