1.08.2008

E Pluribus Virgin

America's electorate will be riveted to today's New Hampshire Primary, as it has become more than apparent that the 2008 Presidential Election will be a historical watershed, or at the least a nifty little boathouse. In only 11 months, The new President is almost certain to be the first of his or her kind to reach the Oval Office, but which kind will it be? Let's take a closer look:
If Hilary Clinton wins, she will be the first Woman elected President.

If Barack Obama wins, he will be the first African-American elected President

If Mitt Romney wins, he will be the first Mormon elected President.

If Bill Richardson wins, he will be the first Latino elected President.

If Mike Huckabee wins, he will be the first Arkansas Governor NOT married to Hilary Clinton elected President. He will also be the first Huckabee elected President.

If John Edwards wins, he will be the first character from a John Grisham novel to be elected President.

If John McCain wins, he will be the first Non-AWOL American pilot from the Vietnam War who actually went to Vietnam elected President.

If Fred Thompson wins, he will be the first Law & Order cast member to be elected President. Not to worry: if he doesn't make it, there are more than enough Law & Order shows on TV that someone in that cast will reach the Oval Office in our lifetime.

If Rudy Guliani wins, he will be the first shameless, self-promoting 9/11 exploiter to be elected President. For those of you scoring at home, Bush was already President on September 11, 2001, and who ever said he was elected?

Wow, there really is a first time for everything! As for the people of New Hampshire - here's hoping they'll be gentle...

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