Stick around, I have notes.

This page chimes in with my thoughts on last night's election of a Conservative Minority Government:

Note to Stephen Harper & the Conservatives: Remember the 1995 Quebec referendum, when Confederation as we know it was on its deathbed? Remember the slogan that Canadians were sticking to their bumpers as a show of misguided solidarity with the 'No' side: MY CANADA INCLUDES QUEBEC? I know, Mr. Prime Minister, that you're still making your way through French for Curmudgeonly Bullies, but not every translation is a literal one. The actual slogan in Quebec was: MON CANADA COMPREND QUEBEC, which means 'includes', but also means 'understands'. When you started bellowing about elitist cultural industries and locking up young offenders for life, it proved que vous ne comprenez pas absolument de Quebec. To put in terms a hockey fan from Calgary can appreciate, you had a shot at a majority, and you and your team choked. A la prochaine.

Note to Stephane Dion & the Liberals: Monsieuer Dion, it's been fun with the green scarves and the Green Shift and your dog Kyoto, but it's time to move on. Your party needs a new leader, who needs to be selected the way other parties do it: one member, one vote. Also, your the campaign finance reform laws that were recently passed now place an emphasis on individual donations rather than corporate ones. This is not the 1970's and to be blunt, Pierre Trudeau's been dead for eight years. If it's any consolation, neither Bob Rae or Michael Ignatieff are the answer, their attempt to outmanly-man each other in the 2006 leadership race is how you could win on the final ballot. Frank McKenna? Nope. Fils Trudeau - not if you're serious about winning seats in Western Canada again. Actually, if your party is looking for someone from Western Canada, has a national profile, can get the pundits drooling like Belinda Stronach did, and has some experience with trying to sell a carbon tax, allow this page to recommend former B.C. Finance Minister Carole Taylor. I don't like her, but your party will.

Note to Jack Layton & the New Democrats: You said you were running for the Prime Minister's job, and the NDP won 37 seats. Maybe next time, tell people you're running to be the Undisputed Ruler of the World, and the Law of Diminishing Returns might relegate you back to, say, Prime Minister of Canada. Either that or wait out how Buzz Hargrove reacts to Prime Minister Bob Rae. It's great that the party won seats in Alberta and Quebec, but does it not gall you that New Democrats were once again shut out in the birthplace of the Cooperative Commonwealth Federation, the New Jerusalem Tommy Douglas built, the Great Province of Saskatchewan? You also dropped a seat in B.C. when there pickups to be made, largely by winning over people who drive pickups and would have appreciated a harsher tone on the Liberals' carbon tax.

Note pour Gilles Duceppe & Le Bloc Quebecois: Ne changez rien, mes chers. Le Quebec n'est pas de 'province' comme les autres, et quelqu'un doit seriat la conscience sociale-democratique dans la Parlement avant le NPD gagnerait plus deputies en Quebec que Thomas Mulcair. This page has run out of embarassingly broken French and will stop now.

Note to Elizabeth May & the Green Party: You need to seek out Deborah Grey and ask her about the value of putting one's foot in the door, because the genealogy of last night's Tory victory can be traced all the way back to her byelection win in Beaver River, Alberta for the Reform Party 20 years ago. Also, as someone who judges others by the company they keep, this page has no clue about what your party stands for other than it has something to do with the environment. I've met Green Party members with a background as union activists, and I've met Green Party members who think the Labour Movement should be crushed into a finely ground paste. Until you decide that you can't be all things to all people, accept the reality of the left-right dichotomy in Canadian Politics, and keep butting heads with the McKay family, you're not going anywhere.