Oooh..Aaah...OW! @#$!*!

The Offshore Bank Celebration of Fight...er...Light begins tonight at English Bay.

For the longest time, Vancouver's movers and shakers have lived in terror of being labeled "No Fun City". There was much wailing and gnashing and teeth when the precious Molson Indy took off and touched down at the Edmonton Municipal Airport, but the truth is the Indy was a toxic celebration of testosterone, gasoline, alcohol, sexism and noise that said nothing about Vancouver.

The much-beloved fireworks are no better. This page may not be heard over the explosions and the roar of the thousands who descend on English Bay, but the Celebration of Light is an overhyped, undermanned, and dangerous event that should have been sent packing years ago. For 20 minutes of fireworks, spectators are treated to hours of bad behaviour and the worst event management this side of Beirut.

It is not 'fun' when drunken underage kids scream obscenities throughout the West End and they redefine "fighting the crowds". It is not 'fun' when' rednecks use the fireworks as an excuse to swoop in from the Valley to go fag-bashing (the fireworks unfortunately coincide with Vancouver's Pride Festival). It is not 'fun' when Vancouver Police consider three stabbing deaths as acceptable for a gathering of this size. This page is certain they won't react the same way if the same number go down on the streets during the 2010 Winter Olympics.

It is not 'fun' when taxpayers in Vancouver are forced to foot the bill for cleanup and police overtime when residents from elsewhere in the Lower Mainland cause most of the trouble. When 'Celebration' organizers start promoting the fireworks as an alcohol-free event and Translink admits that rerouting a few buses on fireworks nights is not extra transit service, this page may consider going back one of these years. Until then, this page is content to skip the late night pyrotechnic idiocy and enjoy A REAL CELEBRATION OF LIGHT.