Switching Channels


Forget LCD, this page has a TV with CBD - Crystal Ball Display. Let's do a little channel surfing and look at what Canadian TV will be like in the near future as the result of yesterday's Bell Globemedia - CHUM/City merger:

(Please note I spent so much on CBD that I can't afford digital cable, and the channel numbers apply to good ol' full service analog)

Ch. 9 (BC-CTV): CTV remains pretty much the same, but slowly becomes something of a Canadian CBS, with unchallenging programming for aging baby boomers. Grandpa Lloyd reads the evening news after a night of CSI: Minneapolis-St. Paul and Really Desperate Housewives simulcast from their American network feeds.

Ch. 12 (VITV): The A-Channels get flipped by CTV, and carry on depending on the strength of the local markets. In this case, expect more Vancouver Island than Vancouver, like it was with the New VI. Without their share of network ad revenue, the station runs B-movies in prime time and raises the price to be on Speaker's Corner to $20.

Ch. 13 (CityTV): It's CTV for baby boomer's kids. The evening newscast with Ben Mulroney and the pretensions of hipness are insufferable. Ed the Sock is tossed down the laundry chute by talking beavers Frank and Gordon. At least they didn't dump the Baby Blue Movies.

Ch. 30 (ESPN Canada): Formerly TSN, Bell plugs in the more recognizable brand, especially since repatriating the Monday Night Football ESPN simulcast from City. Lots of sports, but the big events (like Hockey Night in Canada) air on CTV. Brian Williams flies into a rage when the Toronto Blue Jays next World Series appearance goes to CTV and uses a FOX simulcast.

Ch. 40 (Bravo): Remember when A&E used to be ARTS and Entertainment, and had the ballet, the symphony, the opera, and other high-culture programming? Before Growing up Gotti and Dog the Bounty Hunter? Bravo either goes that way, or becomes the Canadian HBO.

Ch. 45 (Space): Space pretty much becomes the Fanboy Channel as several shows (Battlestar Galactica, Stargate SG1, Smallville, the 4400) are lifted and dropped into the CTV and City schedules. Since Vancouver produces more science fiction than Ralph Klein on Global Warming, Space can serve as a feeder for the Bell/Globe networks to maintain Canadian content.

Ch. 57 (Comedy): After gas prices jump to $2.50 a litre and interest rates start going up again, the Comedy Network drops its regular schedule and shows reruns from Report on Business Television. The laughs are bigger, but no one's sure if they're laughing with or laughing at ...